Put a hole in my nose
Instead of a more crucial part of me.
Knelt in front of my grandmother’s casket with nothing to say and stood in the mud of the cemetery 4 months later with too much to say
Grew stronger with every business trip he took away from me
Saved Lauren Kennedy’s life and then quickly became comfortable with the idea that it will be up to me to save it here on out.
Became ever more thankful for the snow and more importantly, a cigarette in the snow
You stepped right on my heart, 2013 and just when I thought we were friends.
if there are any heavens my mother will(all by herself)have
one. It will not be a pansy heaven nor
a fragile heaven of lilies-of-the-valley but
it will be a heaven of blackred roses
my father will be(deep like a rose
tall like a rose)
standing near my
(swaying over her
with eyes which are really petals and see
nothing with the face of a poet really which
is a flower and not a face with
This is my beloved my
(suddenly in sunlight
he will bow,
& the whole garden will bow)
Mom: Later in the afternoon my strange friend Carol stopped by with a bouquet of iris for Dad
Mom: he usually doesn’t care too much for Carol and she is odd but he was touched by the beautiful bouquet from her garden and actually gave her a hug
Mom: He usually says she smells
Mom: not in a good way
Shmalison: well that sounds sweet
Mom: Carol sees auras and one afternoon she came by when Dad was sitting on the deck watching me weed the flowerbeds
Mom: later she told me that because he was sitting in front of a white background she was able to see his aura—strong and blue with gold shooting out of his head
Mom: she was surprised to see such a strong aura in such a physically weak person and thinks he has a very strong soul and that he and I have been soul mates for a very long time—like from the beginning of time
Shmalison: do you have the same color aura?
Mom: I have no idea
Mom: Carol has either not seen it or won’t tell me, but she thinks Dad’s soul is helping me grow spiritually
Mom: anyway I basically think she is full of sh—
Mom: and I also suspect that she drinks
I’m warning a group of girls that all look like my seventeen year old cousin, blonde blue-eyed American beauties, to wear their retainers.
I’m standing on the cold linoleum floor of the basement bathroom at my parents’ house. It smells like clean laundry and old earth. My reflection is a summer memory. My mouth opens wide. There, I can see my teeth vibrating, uprooting themselves. I peel a front tooth off in layers, the consistency of a sick toenail. Its neighbor begins to shed and I cry for my mother. She drops her linen basket and brings her red stained hands to my face. She tells me it’s not so bad.
It’s not so bad.
I awake when I hear you slam and lock the front door, the sounds of you racing out into Monday Morning. I call out your name in hope—no, just the kitten’s footsteps. I’ve missed you again.
Pull back the curtains to blinding white light. The snow looks so foreign on you, Virginia.
"One of 19 experiments aboard the Skylab space station in 1973 examined spider web formation in zero gravity. Astronauts monitored the activity of the spiders released into a box. At first their webs were sloppy, but they soon became more regular as the spiders adapted to weightlessness."
Metro Space Station